If She Favors You
by James Landor
Summary: An Emison story that's set shortly after the girls discover the nursery has been destroyed. Emily forces Ali to tell her how she feels.


**A/N** It has been quite some time since I've written any fanfiction, but it was nice to get back at it. I think this may be my first Emison story. Please let me know what you think! - James

Thunder rolled angrily outside, and wind shook the windows of Alison's house. Emily was picking up the nursery, shreds of stuffed animal and broken wood, when she heard Alison huffing in frustration from the other room.

"Everything okay?" She knocked lightly and peered in.

"Fine. I just can't get this tied, and these are one of the only pairs that fit me anymore." Alison stood in front of the mirror and had her arms stretched behind her waist as she tried to fasten her tie-wrap pants."

"Here, let me help you." Emily stepped behind Alison. She furrowed her brow as she fiddled with what had now become a knot. "They tie in the back?"

"They do now."

"I see."

When Emily finally fixed the band Ali sighed in relief. "Thanks, Em."

"No problem."

They both stood there for a moment, looking at one another in the mirror. Ali got lost in Emily's gaze, and almost didn't notice when Emily pushed her body forward into Alison's and started to wrap her arms around her waist. Almost. She gently pushed Emily's hands down and pulled away abruptly. The smile that was beginning to form on Emily's lips fell.

Ali marched to her dresser to find a t-shirt. Emily watched her from behind, she scanned her body unconsciously. Ali felt her Emily's eyes on her and she could barely breathe.

Once Alison was dressed, Emily spoke. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I mean, about everything. The pants—"

"They still fit."

"And the morning sickness, and the tiredness, and—"

"Em?" Ali turned around to face her. "Stop. You are the last person who should be apologizing."

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean that I have a lot to be sorry for….I always will…,but you don't."

Emily tilted her head.

"I owe this to you."

"You what?" Emily was suddenly angry. "Is that why you're doing this? Because you feel like you owe me?"

Ali sighed. "No. No, that is not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?" Emily crossed her arms.

"I meant that I'm doing this for you because I want to."

"Those are two different things."

"No, Em, they're not. What I want is your happiness. You deserve happiness more than anyone else. It's hard to be happy now, I know." Ali looked to the ceiling and then fixed her gaze over Emily's shoulder. "But, I can at least make you as happy as you can possibly be…here and now. If you're happy, I'm happy."

Ali didn't sound happy to Emily, she sounded restrained and guarded. She was holding something back, limiting herself. "Why me? Doesn't everyone deserve happiness?"

Ali scoffed. "I would put the maniac who destroyed the nursery pretty low on the list."

"You're not answering the question. Why me?"

She turned her head to hide her tears. "You just do….God! Why can't we ever just talk anymore? Without misunderstanding each other?"

Emily took a breath, her voice softened, and she stepped closer. She tilted her gaze into Ali's, forcing her to make eye contact. "We can. We did when we were younger. We talked all the time."

As Emily uncrossed her arms, Ali crossed hers and hugged her own body. "You talked. I...scolded. I demanded and sniped."

"Less than you think. You and I we…talked."

"I lied."

"You avoided telling me how you felt, just like you are now."

"I told you how I feel. I feel that you should be happy."

"And?"

"That's it."

"If you want my happiness so much, Ali, why do you always pull away from me?"

Ali took a deep breath and dropped her arms. She opened her mouth to respond but stopped herself. As Emily waited desperately for a response, she saw Ali's eyes look toward the door. Ali leaned her weight from one foot to the other. Once. Twice. She bolted for the door.

"I'm going for a walk," she yelled back.

Barely able to process what had happened, Emily wasted too many precious seconds staring at the empty space in front of her that Alison once occupied. When her mind caught up she was running down the stairs.

Alison was grasping for a sweatshirt with her right hand, and grabbing the front door handle with her left.

"Ali! Ali, it's pouring rain."

She slipped on her shoes. "I'll be fine." The door shut quickly behind her.

As Ali ran down the porch steps, she slipped on the sweatshirt and realized it was Emily's blue _Sharks_ jacket.

Once she began walking down the driveway she heard the door open and shut.

"Ali!" Emily caught up quickly.

Ali stopped. "Don't follow me, please," she responded without turning around. They had to speak loudly over the sound of rain pelting the ground.

"Well, you have my sweatshirt so…."

Ali turned around and glared at her. "Then I'll take it off."

"You'll get sick."

"Make up your mind!"

"Keep it on."

"Fine. I'm going now. I need some space."

Emily grabbed her arm and stopped her from turning back around. "No. You always run away." Rain fell in sheets over them, obscuring their view.

"I'm coming back."

"That's not the point. Why are you so scared of telling me how you feel that you have to run?"

Alison took a few breaths and considered her options before replying. "Because I can't lie anymore."

"What?"

"I can't lie and tell you that I don't love you. I can't lie and say that you are just a friend to me. That I don't want you, all of you, for the rest of my life. That you're all I've ever wanted. I can't lie, but I can run." Ali gasped as she finished, shocked by her own admission. The wind blew her hair into a broken halo around her head.

Emily was stunned into position, her feet stuck to the ground.

"Em?"

"Why would you lie about that…? Why would you run away from that?" Emily began to move, clenching and unclenching her fists, opening her mouth and then closing it, looking anywhere but into Ali's eyes. Water streamed down her bare arms and dripped from her fingertips.

"Because—"

"I mean, this all would have been so much easier," Emily spoke almost to herself, rain flying from her lips. "I love you, you know I love you. Do you not believe that…? Why? Why would you lie and run and—"

"I know you love me, Em. That's the problem. You shouldn't."

Emily looked at her now, fixing a harsh gaze into Alison's eyes. "What?!"

Her anger shocked Alison, but she pushed on with her explanation. "You can do better than me. I have hurt you so many times before, and I never want to again. But, that means that I have to keep my distance. Everything I touch gets hurt, Em." Alison was matter-of-fact. "You are kind and courageous and protective. Even after everything you've been through, you're still that way." Ali took a breath and waited while Emily absorbed her words. "…You _deserve so much better_ than me, Em."

Emily took so long to respond that Ali became worried. Just as she was about to speak again, Emily looked up.

"When we were younger you always told us what to do. How to live." Emily's words were decisive, her tone sullen, her gaze as still as stone. Alison was reminded of the night Emily told her that she'd wasted so much time. She braced herself.

"What are you saying?"

"What to wear, what not to wear, what parties to go to, what to do with our hair, who to hang out with…who to…who to date."

"I know, and I will never stop regr—"

"You don't get to do that anymore! You don't get to make decisions about other people's lives—about my life, for me." Emily's relaxed her shoulders as she finished her speech.

"I know that. I know I can't, and I'm so—"

"I'm glad we agree then." Emily grabbed the collar of her sweatshirt and tugged Alison forward before catching her and wrapping her arms around her waist. Their bodies pressed tightly together and Emily kissed Ali.

Alison was unable to resist, she was too close to stop it, too aroused by the smell of Emily, too safe in her strong arms, too addicted to her lips. She let Emily have her then. All of her. Rainwater slid down Emily's cheek and onto the tip of Alison's nose. Their clothes got wetter and wetter only in the spots where their bodies didn't connect.

Kissing Alison was like taking a breath after emerging from the water, like reaching the edge of the pool: inevitable, necessary, satisfying.

For Alison, kissing Emily was like finding a home in a world that wanted her to run away.

When they pulled apart, Emily grabbed Ali's arm and tugged her back to the house.

Alison froze. "Em…"

"It's my decision, not yours. I get to decide what I deserve. Okay?"

"Okay."

"And I can't be happy unless you are."

"You make me happy."

"Then stop running."

Alison followed her back into the house, and let Emily peel the wet clothes from her body. She would never run away again.


End file.
